F for Feminism: Episode 3 (I-O)
Disclaimer: No Tundes were harmed in the writing of this article.
I
Intersectional Feminism: Intersectional feminism looks at how economic (money), social (class) and political factors affect every woman’s individual living experience. It is not enough to acknowledge that women are worse off in society than men are. Nor is it enough to make it your goal to see more women in positions of power for instance. You also have to look at how all the parts of our identity we cannot change: trans, white, poor, etc. affect us. Your feminism has to accommodate all women and their separate experiences.
Female empowerment that only benefits the “madam” but not the “house girl” is incomplete.
Feminism does not have a history of being intersectional. First-wave feminism (see “Feminism” in episode 2) was largely influenced by cisgender, white women. They determined what was worth fighting for, and this almost always left out women in more vulnerable positions. I feel it is up to us, contemporary feminists, and “male allies” to make up for this.
M
Mansplain: Mansplaining is an encroaching way through which men interrupt, undermine, and distort women’s stories. They (mansplainers) have an urge so great to show women that “Look! look! I know (little to nothing) about this.” that they bombard women patronizingly, with information about those concepts.
For instance, many men, upon discovering after hundreds of years of feminists shouting, that women actually DO deserve to be treated like complete human beings, deem themselves as experts on the matter. They then proceed to seize control of the discussions without properly listening to the actual subjects: women.
To check if you’re mansplaining, ask yourself these two questions:
- Has she asked you for an explanation?
- Does she know more about the subject at hand than you do?
If you answered no to number one and/or yes to number two, please, I beg you, close your mouth.
Misandry/Misogyny: Misandry and misogyny refer to hatred for, and prejudice towards the opposite gender. However, they are not two sides of the same coin. Misogyny’s hatred is far from intangible — it is oppressive and violent as well. It is because of misogyny that girls are married off before they even reach puberty, that rape victims are asked “But what were you wearing?”, that men feel it is an abomination for them to know what the inside of a kitchen looks like.
Misandry, on the other hand, is little more than a justified feeling of hatred towards men because of all the hardship they and their predecessors have caused women. It doesn’t do much else except bruise a few egos here and there. Sure, The Slumflower insulting men on Twitter makes them feel salty, but does it stop them from earning accurate salaries? From renting apartments? Ehn Tunde? Does it make you afraid of walking alone at night?
A lot of contemporary feminists feel, for these reasons, that misandry is a myth, a fake thing, like women being their worst enemies.
Misogyny could also metamorph into “misogynoir”—hatred for black women. It refers to the hyper-sexualization, racism, and sexism black women (specifically) are subjected to. Take a look at Caster Semenya’s case.
“Men are trash/scum”: Many men have ignored the reason behind the “men are scum/trash” hashtag and have instead focused on how the saying makes them (the oppressors) feel. “Men are trash” was started in 2016 by South African women in response to the rampant killings of women in their country (by men). It was further amplified in 2017 with the murder of Karabo Mokena, by her boyfriend.
“Men are trash” attempts to express our frustration, our anger, our tiredness. It refers to how men as a collective have made it difficult for women to be free.
I have faced and seen a slew of reactions to “Men are scum” in the general style of: “But not all men.” “But me myself I am not trash.” “Why not focus on the rapists specifically?” “You are making me feel bad for having a penis.” and I saw a response to this that I really like: “Yes, not all men but enough men that every girl…” Fill in the blanks—Is afraid to walk alone at night. Is afraid to go on dates. Is even afraid of telling you she’s afraid.
Imagine this: The 2019 elections have been conducted, and Nigerians revolt saying: “Nigerian elections are so corrupt!” Then, Tunde, from his little hut comes out to say, “Nooo, the election in my neighborhood at Amen Estate was free and fair #notallelections.” Imagine how foolish Tunde looks. If you are on this table, you is Tunde, Tunde is you.
So, the next time you see “Men are trash/scum” and you feel the self-centered anger rise up in you, say to yourself, “It’s not about me. I know that my ego is so big I cannot remove myself from the center of attention for once. But for God’s sake, it’s not about me. Now, what can I do to help a woman today?”
N
Neck: Our distinguished feminist-lite ladies love this word. One of their favorite past times is interjecting in feminist conversations about equality in the household with “My husband is the head but I am the neck!” Then they lean closer to you, as though sharing a crucial secret, and whisper, “Don’t you see? The head cannot survive without the neck. I am the one with the REAL power!”
The neck is a benevolent way of saying “the laborer”. While men are raised to see themselves as heads, women are raised to carry out the duties which are apparently supposed to be for the heads. Thus, women silently perform emotional and mental labor in the name of being the “neck”.
“Nice Guy”: Wolf in sheep’s clothing. “Nice guy” is a code-word for an entitled man who thinks his bare minimum (see “Bare-minimum” in episode 1) respect translates into him getting his way with women.
Common “nice guy” phrases include:
“Why didn’t you give me your number? I helped you hold the door.”
“Girls only like bad boys, she didn’t even look my side.”
“It’s not her fault. She will meet a guy that will teach her a lesson.”
Tunde-the-nice-guy that morphs into Incredible Hulk at the slightest sign of rejection.
(As a side note, it is very interesting that women are the ones always being made out to be uncontrollably emotional. Yet, it is men that are murdering women because they said “No thanks, I’m not interested.” *insert upside down smiley*)
O
Objectification: This is when people are viewed solely in terms of their appearance or what you stand to gain from them. No consideration is given to their needs, or who they truly are. Now, appreciating people’s physical qualities is not bad, it only becomes sexual objectification when it is the ONLY thing that is considered. For instance, using images of naked women to sell cars.
In essence, the victim is reduced to the status of an object, only appreciated in the context of what other people can get out of them.
Old maid: An outdated term used to describe a woman who couldn’t find a husband “on time” (in other words, when other people wanted her to). It is commonly said in Nigeria that “A woman without a man has achieved nothing.” and after a certain age, women have to face comments like:
“She is already old.”
“Her womb is now rotten.”
“Nobody wants you.”
In China, these women are referred to as “sheng nu” directly translating to “leftover woman”. The Chinese government formed this derogatory phrase in order to force educated women to leave their careers and focus on marriage and starting families.
Whyyyy must women constantly be reduced to their marriageability? Their baby-making capacity? How can the crux of someone’s life be to cohabit with another person and raise children? YouTuber Dyna Ekwueme ranted for 14 minutes about how women have to marry early before they “run out of eggs”. Is the only point of marriage having kids? And if the woman cannot have kids naturally (and wants kids) are there no other options?
Women are individuals before they are partners and mothers.
I see a lot of determined and outspoken young Nigerians on Instagram and Twitter and I hope that we will be able to change the narrative. Please don’t allow anyone coerce you into marriage. Do things on your own time. Dey your lane.
“Olosho” : See “Ashawo” in episode 1.
Brought to you by Tritima Achigbu and Sope Lartey.
